Where were you on 9/11?

I was at the gym. This was my routine in 2001: wake at 5.15am, dress and drive to peasants' gym (I couldn't afford the cost of the ruling-class gym), arrive at 5.30am. It's still dark. The gym, a cold and uninviting space located in a disused factory, is opened by a part-time uni student. He is underpaid and not too concerned that he's 15 minutes late. 

Once inside, I start my routine and hop onto the stationary bike while the uni student fiddles with the remote control that activates two wall-mounted TVs. 

And there it is, a vision so terrifying that it takes a couple of minutes for anything to sink in. What is this? Is it for real? As news reporters confirm that we're not watching some ridiculous stunt, the two of us look on, horrified, as New York's Twin Towers collapse in a pile of 'stuff' that seems to evaporate into gigantic billowing clouds and monstrous licking flames before our eyes. 

This scene is repeated over and over and over again for the benefit of Sydneysiders who've just woken up to a brand new day. 

I don't have a mobile phone. So, I go through the motions. What else can I do? I watch the TV as I do my weights workout. 

I recall that I'd gone to the top floor of the World Trade Center in 1990 and stood mesmerised by the breathtaking views over Manhattan. 

At 6.30am I arrive home and wake everyone up, though Spanner's already up and blissfully unaware of the horrific events that took place while we were sleeping. I flick on the TV and we watch the World Trade Center implode again and again. 

And still, 10 years on I watch horrified as that gut-wrenching moment is replayed. 

My heart is with all those who lost someone in 9/11 and my thoughts are with those who continue to live with the nightmare. 

The Bunker Bay shark attack is a tragic case of wrong time, wrong place

Bunker Bay, WA, where a body surfer was mauled to death by a shark

Readers of this blog know I'm an advocate for sharks and follow the mantra "don't swim in the surf at dawn or dusk" because that's when these primordial animals are usually out hunting for something tasty to eat.

Sadly, there are exceptions to the rule. In Western Australia, what is thought to have been a great white shark yesterday "savaged" and killed a body surfer. The attack occurred at midday.

The 21-year-old was catching waves at popular surf spot Boneyards Break, Bunker Bay.

Here's part of the story published at WAToday.com (WT) that might help explain this tragedy:

'The attack occurred in an area popular with surfers and anglers and close to a seal colony, to the west of Cape Naturaliste, a noted whale-watching spot about three hours' drive south of Perth.

"You could have described it as perfect shark conditions . . . dark and gloomy water, overcast skies, light rain falling. There was whale action earlier in the morning in the bay, and there were seals about," Sergeant Craig Anderson from the Dunsborough police said.'

Read more: http://www.watoday.com.au/wa-news/surfers-horror-as-shark-savages-mate-20110905-1jsx0.html#ixzz1X1xdxDNp

The death of this young bloke appears to be a case of mistaken identity. Is it a seal? Let's take a bite and see. 

In 2009, Perth Now reported that there had been 18 shark attacks in WA since 1997, four of them fatal.

The story in WT ends with: 'Yesterday's attack is the third fatal shark mauling in Australia in just over 12 months, and the second in WA's south-west.

The attack happened about an hour’s drive from Gracetown, where 31-year-old Nicholas Edwards was killed by a shark on August 17 last year.


In February, an abalone diver was taken by two sharks, believed to be great whites, at Coffin Bay, South Australia.'

I feel it's important to remember here that it's not the shark's fault. It was cruising its territory doing what predatory animals do - looking for the next meal. Or it may have just been curious. The awful outcome is that someone has died as a result. 

PS: Photo of Bunker Bay from WT

A colonoscopy has nothing to do with Uranus, or does it?

I'm not going to explore the ins and outs of the colonoscopy. Suffice to say I had one on Friday (my mum had colon cancer so I'm also at risk) and the best thing about it was being knocked out and waking up again to a cup of milky tea and a tuna and salad sandwich.

The colonoscopy got me thinking about Uranus. Traditionally the seventh planet from the Sun was pronounced 'Yoor-ay-nus'. 

But somewhere along the way I suspect the Americans, god bless their cotton socks, decided this was too crude and changed it to 'Yoor-uh-nuhs'. Dictionary.com notes Uranus, when pronounced this way, can become confused with the word 'urinous'. 

Thing is, it was always pronounced 'YOOR-AY-NUS' when I was growing up. What the frick is wrong with that? 

When I point at the night sky and say, "Uranus is somewhere out there" no one is going to become confused about my meaning. Let's behave like adults. How often do I (or you) talk to others about their anuses. "By the way, how's your anus?" Mmm, maybe in certain circles...

That conveniently brings me to the word 'route'. In the song Route 66, made famous by Chuck Berry and The Rolling Stones, route was pronounced 'root', making it a homophone. But that's all changed with the introduction of the word 'rowt' for 'route'. 

I still say, "What root/route are you taking?" 

The meaning is clear enough. And if I were to say, "I feel like a root" it's obvious I'm not talking about hopping on a bus, although it does sound as though I'm hoping to embark on another type of physical journey.

My final gripe is with ARSEHOLE. Why is it spelt 'asshole'? An ass is a donkey. But now it's also a bum. What's wrong with 'arsehole'? Wikipedia notes that 'arse may refer to the British/Irish English vulgarism for the buttocks...'

Which brings me full circle: back to Uranus. 

The end. 

The end is in 5 billion years so let's swim

I heard an astronomer talking on the radio yesterday. He said Planet Earth would "evaporate" in 5 billion years when the sun finally petered out - but not before exploding in a spectacular fashion to take us with it.

Of course, I won't be around in 5 billion years. That's ridiculous. That's like, way beyond my pea-brain comprehension. But my guess is that we will have nuked our poor old abused planet well before its natural use-by-date.

Oddly enough, the thought of there one day not being anything made me feel really sad. So I booked a flight to the Gold Coast.

There are lots of ocean swims in incredible locations coming up in the next few months. I couldn't afford the Hamilton or Heron Island swims on the Great Barrier Reef. For the cost of the airfares, accommodation, etc... to get to those locations I could fly to the States and back on a seven day holiday package. And have money to spare.

The other value for money option was the swim at Burleigh Heads on the Gold Coast on October 23. It's a 2km swim along a lovely stretch of Queensland coastline.  Airfares to the Gold Coast are reasonably priced and there's loads of great accommodation that won't break the bank.

I know you can't beat the reef but this isn't half bad.

Find out more about the swim at: http://www.oceanswims.com/Events.asp?EventID=13

or go to the Burleigh Heads Mowbray Park Surf Life Saving Club's website at: http://www.burleighslsc.com.au/

I feel better now. Or I will soon. Possibly. But the 5 billion years is a killer. I won't dwell on it. I'll focus on sun, surf and sand... but not sand that gets into the crotch of your cossies or blows into your eyes. I want golden sand that doesn't move and isn't too hot underfoot... 5 billion years...