I'm an amortal flying into the portal out of the tortal

What the frick is an amortal? Some opportunistic pop psychologist from the US has written a wanky book about amortals. She invented this term to describe older people who refuse to grow old, a bit like myself (I'm not classified as old unless you're under 30). 

I read about it in an opinion piece in The Sydney Morning Herald.

Apparently, I'm doing all those things young people do like exercise, trying to look my best without resembling mutton dressed as lamb, going to gigs and getting on with my kids by treating them as equals. This is considered selfish and delusional, as older people are required to fulfill some cultural norm where we grow old gracefully by wearing rayon frocks (I guess men wear corduroy trousers), becoming sedentary, going to church and maintaining the appropriate emotional distance from our kids as they get older. 

Amortals also fear death. Seriously, who doesn't except eejits who think it's all about pink marshallow clouds, ethereal creatures with soft wings and floating around without any hunger pangs, desire for a glass of Veuve or a quick f****. Death happens to the best of us and the rest of us. It's a fact of life.

I am not ashamed to admit I fear death. I think about it a lot. I don't want to die. I want to swim in the ocean with the fishies, write a bestselling novel (also an amortal characteristic), eat a lot of good food, play loud music, watch sunsets while gurgling Veuve, walk along the beach holding the hand of my ageing partner (after we've had a quick f***), laugh with my kids because we can be friends and enjoy my freakin' life without being told I'm a superficial old prat. 

Old age is inevitable. I'm not that stupid to think I can do what I am doing now forever. But why not do it for as long as I can without looking like a fool? I know my kids will set me straight if I get up to anything even mildly embarrassing.

There, now that's off my chest I'm going to bed. After all, it's almost 9.30pm.

Ocean swimming story in The Sydney Morning Herald and we're off to do Gerringong on Sunday

Today's edition of The Sydney Morning Herald has a story on 'the allure of ocean swimming' in its summer supplement. The story is first and foremost a plug for The Cole Classic on February 6, which is sponsored by Fairfax - which owns SMH.

However, it's not a bad read and does have some interesting observations from die-hard ocean swimmers. It also warns people about the sport's inherent risks, including my worst-case scenario - swimming into a pack of bluebottles.

And it points out that ocean swimming is becoming hugely popular and poses the question: will this affect the camaraderie in the sport? The journalist asks this at least twice, but never gets around to finding an answer. (This is just me niggling. But, if you set up a premise for a story, shouldn't you then follow it up?)

And here's me just niggling again. The man behind http://www.oceanswims.com/ Paul Ellercamp is interviewed for the story. Funny that, I thought he was deadset against the commercialisation of The Cole Classic, with its exhorbitant entry fee and raft of prohibitive OH&S rules that have led to the swim being re-routed to and from the calm waters of Shelly Beach, rather than finishing at the surf beach South Steyne, since Fairfax took control two seasons back. Ellercamp could've talked about camaraderie in relation to The Cole Classic!

I guess any publicity is good publicity... Here's the link, if you're interested: http://www.smh.com.au/executive-style/fitness/swell-of-surf-swimmers-20110106-19hmy.html

There's a swim at North Bondi this Sunday, but The Hiss and I are heading to the South Coast, where we plan to enter the Gerringong swim with Davo. It depends on the weather (raining today in Sydney) and, more importantly, ocean conditions. I hear this can be a challenging course. At the moment I'm up for it, but at the moment I'm dry and warm as toast and about to have a cuppa.

Have a good weekend.

Photo: The surf at South Steyne was deemed to be too rough for the organisers of last year's Cole Classic, who redirected the swim back to its starting point, Shelly Beach.