A colonoscopy has nothing to do with Uranus, or does it?

I'm not going to explore the ins and outs of the colonoscopy. Suffice to say I had one on Friday (my mum had colon cancer so I'm also at risk) and the best thing about it was being knocked out and waking up again to a cup of milky tea and a tuna and salad sandwich.

The colonoscopy got me thinking about Uranus. Traditionally the seventh planet from the Sun was pronounced 'Yoor-ay-nus'. 

But somewhere along the way I suspect the Americans, god bless their cotton socks, decided this was too crude and changed it to 'Yoor-uh-nuhs'. Dictionary.com notes Uranus, when pronounced this way, can become confused with the word 'urinous'. 

Thing is, it was always pronounced 'YOOR-AY-NUS' when I was growing up. What the frick is wrong with that? 

When I point at the night sky and say, "Uranus is somewhere out there" no one is going to become confused about my meaning. Let's behave like adults. How often do I (or you) talk to others about their anuses. "By the way, how's your anus?" Mmm, maybe in certain circles...

That conveniently brings me to the word 'route'. In the song Route 66, made famous by Chuck Berry and The Rolling Stones, route was pronounced 'root', making it a homophone. But that's all changed with the introduction of the word 'rowt' for 'route'. 

I still say, "What root/route are you taking?" 

The meaning is clear enough. And if I were to say, "I feel like a root" it's obvious I'm not talking about hopping on a bus, although it does sound as though I'm hoping to embark on another type of physical journey.

My final gripe is with ARSEHOLE. Why is it spelt 'asshole'? An ass is a donkey. But now it's also a bum. What's wrong with 'arsehole'? Wikipedia notes that 'arse may refer to the British/Irish English vulgarism for the buttocks...'

Which brings me full circle: back to Uranus. 

The end. 

Anyway, why add an 's'? The English language continues its downward spiral

I wonder if the women in Jane Austen's day fretted over issues such as the use of lazy English? Possibly, for what else is there to do after you've played the pianoforte a bit, sewed a bit, read a bit, eyed off a handsome rich man and taken a turn about the room a bit?

In 2009/10, there would be much to discuss. Over the past year, I've noticed more ridiculous additions to, omissions from and mispronunciations of the language - and it's driving me to drink (at least, that's my excuse).

The latest annoyance is the use of the word 'anyways'. Since when did 'anyway' inherit an 's'? With the addition of one useless letter, the Canadians and Americans (for they are the culprits) have screwed up a perfectly good word. And now bloody dumb Aussies are doing it too.

Another addition is 'off of'. What is this abomination? Why do you need to add an 'of' when you're telling someone to get 'off' something?

Here's another one that will drive me to despair up until New Year's Day. "Over New Year's I'm going to get off my face." It's not the 'off my face' that offends, but the 'New Year's'.

Strictly speaking, it should be referred to as 'the New Year' or 'New Year's Day'. But laziness means the 'Day' is lost.

And here's the most annoying trend of all.

When referring to big numbers and years, there used to be an 'and' to separate the thousands and hundreds from those numbers in the tens.

For example, next year is 2010, which used to be "two thousand and ten". But the 'and' is slowly disappearing. So now many radio and TV commentators refer to it as "two thousand ten".

What happened to the AND?

I know, I know, I should get a life and just write about vomiting adolescents and man-eating sharks.

Don't get me started on the pronunciation of 'route' and 'Uranus'!

PS: You do the maths!