Deep point of view: Her head hurt... no, that should be Ouch! She touched the sore spot on her head... or something like that

Before: She felt like a Bex and a good lie down.

After: A pulse throbbed in her forehead. She winced before she tossed the pills into her mouth and unfolded her tight limbs onto the chaise longue.

I still don't know if that's hitting the mark with deep point of view, but hey, I wrote the 'After' version in 30 seconds.

Today the gorgeous Nikki Logan, author of Lights, Camera... Kiss the Boss, shared her insights into Deep POV and FAS (feel, act, speak) with me.

We workshopped one sentence from my ms in order to give the reader less tell and more show. The goal was to get into the character's head and let him tell the story.

Take a look at the two versions below. Unfortunately, the After version isn't exactly right because I lost Nikki's changes before I could copy them. Doh. But this is how I remember it:

Before: Chase Lavelle observed the slender frame of the young woman with the wild mane of auburn hair recede into the glare, her long legs a blur in the shimmering heat haze rising from the marina. He surprised himself when a pang of regret clipped at his conscience. He wished she'd stayed a moment longer. He wasn't used to being challenged, especially by a leggy Amazon wearing denim shorts so brief they could send a man's blood pressure through the roof.

After: Chase Lavelle's gut sank as the slender frame of the young woman with the wild mane of hair receded into the glare, her long legs a blur in the shimmering heat haze from the tar on the marina. He whistled to himself and shook his head. Clever and beautiful. An Amazon wearing denim shorts so brief they could send a man's blood pressure sky high. He'd never been challenged like this before. An unfamiliar pang rose high in his chest as he placed the squeegee in the bucket. If only she'd stayed a little longer.

I didn't quite nail the FAS. Which version do you prefer?

You can read all about Nikki Logan at http://www.nikkilogan.com.au/

I need a good kick up the proverbial to start writing again and NaNoWriMo might just get me moving

I just joined Na No Wri Mo (National Novel Writing Month) run through RWAus. What have I done? I've made a comitment to write 30,000 words in June. New words for a new book I haven't really given much thought to. I don't even have names for my hero and heroine.

I sit here shaking my head. What is wrong with me? (lots, but let's not go there)

The way it works is that participants set a goal - while mine is a meagre two thirds of a category romance, others are aiming for 60,000 words - and more.

Some have chosen to edit their manuscripts rather than start afresh. Others are both writing and editing.

I'm now wondering if I should instead nominate to edit my ms, which is languishing from a lack of attention since I finished it in August, 2009. It needs more than an injection of botox to revive it. Nothing less than a full lift, nip and tuck. I don't know that I have the right mindset to do that just yet.

I think the gentle pressure from the rest of the NaNoWriMo team should be enough to get me started on this latest project. Each day of the challenge, which is called 50ks in 30 days, participants are meant to reveal their progress, which is displayed on a word counter on the official blog. Yikes.

I fear I am about to suffer for my art. In the meantime, it's off to suffer for my family - it's pea and ham soup on this dark and stormy night in Sydney.

If only David Campbell was an ocean swimmer he might not be in this mess

*My theory, which is my own, on the David Campbell scandal is that if the former NSW Minister for Transport and Roads did some REAL exercise (this excludes raising the GAY BAR) he'd be a lot happier and healthier.

I was shocked to learn he's only a couple of years older than me. Even before he was outed by a callous media, the poor man was obviously (figuratively) wrestling with demons of some description that led to excessive food and alcohol consumption.

He looks at least 10 years older than his 53 years. He is massive - a walrus - with a neck lost under the flubber of several chins. And he has a complexion so swarthy that it appears every blood vessel in his face is ready to burst.

My point is the occasional salt-water dip and physical exertion in the fresh air (I would imagine that a gay bar is a poorly lit and airless venue) would have the same effect as a refeshing cold shower, thereby limiting Mr Campbell's visits to Ken's at Kensington.

After a hard day in Parliament or on the hustings, DC thinks: 'Rather than a dive at Ken's, I fancy a strenuous work-out at Bondi. That'll do the trick!'

And the eye candy on the beach never disappoints.

*I am not without feelings and my thoughts are with DC's family, whom he deceived for over 20 years. DC didn't deserve to be outed by Channel 7, but he is, nonetheless, a coward.

Pic: DC's head is placed atop the taut torso of our country's Federal Opposition Leader, the Mad Monk.

How to mention sharks and sex in the same post

Someone put this challenge to me the other day when I told them my recent post on Underbelly: the golden mile received around 30 hits from around the world, possibly because the topic was the show's witers' preoccupation with boobs the size of basketballs and boring sex scenes.

We also discussed my passion for ocean swimming. "Aren't you scared of sharks?" is the question most people ask me when I tell them about my hobby. Not, "Aren't you afraid of drowning or of huge waves, rips and those horrendous bluebottles?"

My answer is, "Yes, I am scared of sharks," but I don't think I have to worry about them during an ocean swim. Here are my reasons:

1. Sharks tend not to snack during the day, which is when most ocean swims are held. The serious carnivores that frequent Australia's eastern seaboard tend to eat brekky around dawn and tea around dusk (I would give them an hour either side to digest their meal). This is my and every other ocean swimmer's theory, and I'm sticking to it.

2. The surf lifesaving clubs that organise most of the local ocean swims always have loads of rescue-crew support, in dinghies and surf skis, along the course. You are never far from help if a shark is tugging at your cossies.

3. Most organised swims have aerial surveillance so if a shark is spotted, as was the case during the Tamarama-Clovelly swim in early April, the event is cancelled. Tough luck if you were still out there when the call went out.

But seriously, it's a well-known fact that sharks hang off Fairy Bower near Manly and I heard that one was spotted during this year's Byron Bay Winter Whales swim.

What was the topic of this post again? Ah, yes SHARKS and SEX.

Let's see how many sharks react to that.