It just wouldn't be summer in Sydney without a shark attack, but this one's a furphy

I was a bit slow to follow up on this one, but a man was supposedly 'attacked' by a shark at Mona Vale beach yesterday.

On my way home from work I picked up a copy of the free paper mX (it's a Rupert Murdoch rag) which ran the headline:

Shark attack

A quote from the victim was highlighted: 'It tried to drag me out ... and I won'

The pic of the wound on the victim's lower leg (the calf muscle) mustn't have looked gruesome enough for the newspaper because it was run as an inset. It looked like a graze to me. And I could've sworn the victim was smiling for the camera.

The usual sensational pap followed - it was a great white. Or maybe a bronze whaler or a tiger shark. Or the dreaded bull shark. It nearly dragged the man to his death. It was 2 metres long. The victim sustained 'deep lacerations to his leg and at least one shark tooth [was] still in his leg'.

So on and so forth. Blah blah blah.

By this morning the story had lost much of its appeal. It turns out that all the hysteria was for nothing. The vicious maneater is a wobbegong!

Let me tell you about the poor old wobbegong. If the wobbegong (great name, I could say it all day) was a human being he would be an 80-year-old man with dentures, failing eyesight and a nagging wife. And his name would be Herb.

Wobbegongs are pretty harmless. They nip when provoked. This one, Herb, is about 1 metre long with a 10 centimetre wide mouth. Shark experts say Herb was probably acting in self-defense after the victim 'spooked' or trod on him.

Around this time last year there were two awful shark attacks in Sydney - a 2.7 metre bull shark almost killed a navy diver at Woolloomooloo in Sydney Harbour (he literally lost an arm and a leg) and a 2.5 metre great white almost tore off a surfer's hand at Bondi.

But right now I can only imagine some hack bobbing about in a tinny off Bondi - tossing buckets of burly into the ocean in the hope of ramping up the action.

And what of the victim? He was released from hospital at midday yesterday and negotiating with Channel 9 to tell his story for a large sum of money. I bet that deal's fallen through.

At least he gets to keep Herb's tooth.

PS: See you in the ocean at Bondeeeee on Sundeeeeee!

Cole Classic 2010 where everyone's a winner - sort of

The bloke on the PA system at yesterday's Cole Classic kept saying: "Everyone's a winner here today."

This isn't strictly true. The big winners were Josh Beard (first man home) and Luane Rowe (first woman), who swam away with tickets to ocean swims in Vanuatu.

Moi, I got a bag with a copy of The Sun-Herald, a medallion (does that mean I'm a winner?), a snack bar and a sun-protection lotion sample.

But even though I'm a grumpy old bitch, I'm not complaining. It was a fabulous swim and a huge improvement on last year's mess.

Fairfax, the newspaper proprietors, have run the event for the past two years, which has led some die-hard ocean swimmers to bemoan the commercialisation of one of Sydney's 'iconic' ocean swims. And it is expensive at $47 - $57 if you miss the early-bird entry cut-off.

But today, despite erratic weather, it ran like clockwork. The organisers learnt lessons from last year, so the swim started on time, no buoys were shifted around the course mid-swim and the starting swimmers didn't collide with the swimmers coming back in.

The swim start has now been permanently moved from Manly to the sheltered Shelly Beach and is supposed to end at Manly. But because the swell was a bit big (didn't bother me) the finish was moved to Shelly - as happened in 2009. The organisers weren't taking any chances on the newbie entrants.

Apparently, there were around 4500 swimmers in the 1 km and 2 km events.

The early morning weather was miserable, after sheeting rain during the night, so I half expected the swim to be called off. But the gods shone down on Shelly and gave us glimpses of sun mixed with light rain.

Davo and Precious Princess (PP) were my swim mates. Poor old PP hasn't done any exercise for about nine months (she reckons walking to the bus stop counts) so she felt it. Afterwards she complained of having pain down her left side mid-swim. PP is 18 and a little prone to exaggeration. She also partied hard last night and Friday night.

Davo was in the 7th wave of swimmers (old blokes) and I was in the 10th with all the other 50+ women. Let me tell you, these birds are rough and tough as nails. It was like a scrum as we raced into the water after the starter gun, and throughout the swim/race I was poked and prodded by my 'sisters'. Don't ever let anyone tell you that women over 50 are mellow. There was a lot of repressed anger in my cohort!

After the swim, Davo said he thought he'd seen baby sharks, which is exactly what I saw about 5 metres (not good with depths, so might be wrong here) beneath me and 1 km or so into the swim. The little critters were cruising below like choreographed ballet dancers. Apparently, juvenile dusky sharks hang out at Fairy Bower on the western side of the beach. Two sightings couldn't be wrong. PP was in such pain so she saw nothing during the swim, except her life flashing before her eyes. Serves her right.

I loved this swim. The water was glorious and I saw lots of fish.

My only misgiving, if it's true, is about the profit that Fairfax makes from the event. Mr Oceanswims, who runs www.oceanswims.com, claims Fairfax makes a $100,000 profit. If this is the case, I reckon they should come clean and donate any leftover cash into the surf lifesaving community.

Still, I'll be back next year just for the fun of it.

The photos are of PP and Davo with their 'winners' medals, the view to Manly and looking at Shelly Beach from the esplanade.

One, two, three - four metre swells, work and writing life

1. For the past couple of years the swell has been dirty and dangerous around early to mid-February. I know this because for the past two years the organisers of the Cole Classic have been faced with dangerous conditions, which have forced them to move the swim from the traditional South Steyne (Manly) to the sheltered Shelley/Shelly (is there an 'e' in it or not?) Beach, just around the corner (check out map above).

Today the swell at Sydney beaches was 4 metres and reports claim many surf beaches will be closed to swimmers tomorrow.

I wonder what conditions will be like on Sunday for this year's Cole Classic, which is to start at Shelley and finish at Manly? Wait and see.

2. I've been at work meetings this week in preparation for my return to the coal face next week, but I haven't yet got my act together. This is because of 3.

3. I've been writing, getting together my entry for the RWA's First Kiss comp and also, foolishly, taking on a challenge to write a book in three months (that won't be possible, but I'll try to nut out the bare bones).

This is just another unpleasant example of how work gets in the way of life.

I beat Tony Abbott in The Big Swim, but I wasn't alone

After my appalling performance at last year's Big Swim my expectations were low for 2010.

In 2009, the surf was really rough and it took me forever to get past the massive dragging breakers. By the time I made it, I was so far behind the pack I decided to doddle to the finish line. I think I stopped and had a chat to every one of the surf lifesavers in the rescue craft, which was reflected in my placing in the bottom 40 out ot 1500 or so participants.

But yesterday's conditions were totally different. The surf was gentle and inviting. A practise run proved it was easy to slice through to the first buoy. My hopes rose.

This year the turnout for the event was huge, at almost 1900. My wave of swimmers went off third last. The swim to the first buoy was pleasant enough, but it was just the beginning of a 2.5 km test. There's always a swell out around Little Head, which can make swimmers seasick. I was fine, but my brother-in-law Davo said he felt pretty ordinary as he turned the corner from Palm to Whale Beach.

I did my usual stupid habit of stopping occasionally to see where I was because I tend to swim all over the place (I'm trying to cut down on this and keep swimming while I look).

There were three buoys planted along Whale Beach, but I missed the first two. When the swimmers in front of me turned at the third buoy to swim into the beach I wondered if they were heading in too early. Like a lemming, I followed. I had lots of energy left when I hit the beach, energy I could have used in the swim!

I still finished in the bottom third, but this time there were over 400 swimmers behind me including the leader of the Federal Opposition, Tony Abbott.

When I met up with Davo after the swim he said: "I whopped Tony Abbott's arse."

Not everyone can make that claim. Maybe Malcolm Turnbull should sign up for The Big Swim in 2011. Or KRudd could wriggle into a pair of budgie smugglers for maximum exposure.

PS: This wonderful photo is from http://www.oceanswims.com/ where you can find more pics and read about the swim.