Don't worry about the 'ranga', just check out the slender Friar Tuck

When the Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard named an official election date on the weekend, she was wearing a cream suit, pearls and a fresh red rinse through her sleek bob.

In 'Orstrarlia' we call redheads 'rangas' (after the orangutan with its distinctive reddish coat). In the olden days it was the more complimentary 'carrot top', 'Ginger Meggs' (after the cartoon character) or 'bluey'.

Julia's red hair has been a hot topic of conversation since she became PM three weeks ago. If she'd been a man, nowhere near as much attention would be paid to her hair colour or hair style.

To make matters worse, Julia's partner Tim Mathieson just happens to be a former hairdresser. No doubt he was adding the finishing touches to a colour, cut, wash and blow dry (no innuendo intended) as the plane they were on touched down in Canberra on Saturday prior to the election announcement.

Thing is, no one ever mentions male politicians' hair. When KRudd was PM my sister noted that he was about as interesting as his hair.

Why was it that my perceptive sister was the only person to notice poor old KRudd's flyaway, pale hair? And my sister and I both agreed he had it coloured - often his whispy locks looked too sunkissed to be real.

And here's breaking news... The federal Opposition leader Tony Abbott (aka Mad Monk - MM) has thinning hair. No one's broached this controversial topic yet (maybe because most of the country's political commentators are men).

What MM does to draw attention away from his hair (and this is just a theory I'm tossing around) is add product to the front and comb his hair forward so his fringe looks thicker. But if you look at the crown of his head you'll notice the 'Friar Tuck effect'.

Yep, there's a distinct crop circle atop the Shadow PM's nob. It's a shame he can't take some of the hair that covers his torso and implant it on his dome. Or, why not follow the lead of a legion of balding men, including Peter Garrett. Shave it all off.

If MM loses the August 21 election he could always get a gig with Ashley Martin. It earnt Shane Warne a heap.

PS: It's hard to find a photo of the top and back of MM's head. Every chance he gets, he covers up. If it's not a hospital cap, it's a swimming cap or bicycle helmet. Ah, so that's why he's into sport!

I beat Tony Abbott in The Big Swim, but I wasn't alone

After my appalling performance at last year's Big Swim my expectations were low for 2010.

In 2009, the surf was really rough and it took me forever to get past the massive dragging breakers. By the time I made it, I was so far behind the pack I decided to doddle to the finish line. I think I stopped and had a chat to every one of the surf lifesavers in the rescue craft, which was reflected in my placing in the bottom 40 out ot 1500 or so participants.

But yesterday's conditions were totally different. The surf was gentle and inviting. A practise run proved it was easy to slice through to the first buoy. My hopes rose.

This year the turnout for the event was huge, at almost 1900. My wave of swimmers went off third last. The swim to the first buoy was pleasant enough, but it was just the beginning of a 2.5 km test. There's always a swell out around Little Head, which can make swimmers seasick. I was fine, but my brother-in-law Davo said he felt pretty ordinary as he turned the corner from Palm to Whale Beach.

I did my usual stupid habit of stopping occasionally to see where I was because I tend to swim all over the place (I'm trying to cut down on this and keep swimming while I look).

There were three buoys planted along Whale Beach, but I missed the first two. When the swimmers in front of me turned at the third buoy to swim into the beach I wondered if they were heading in too early. Like a lemming, I followed. I had lots of energy left when I hit the beach, energy I could have used in the swim!

I still finished in the bottom third, but this time there were over 400 swimmers behind me including the leader of the Federal Opposition, Tony Abbott.

When I met up with Davo after the swim he said: "I whopped Tony Abbott's arse."

Not everyone can make that claim. Maybe Malcolm Turnbull should sign up for The Big Swim in 2011. Or KRudd could wriggle into a pair of budgie smugglers for maximum exposure.

PS: This wonderful photo is from http://www.oceanswims.com/ where you can find more pics and read about the swim.

Tony Abbott poses in his budgie smugglers and it's not a pretty sight

I mean, seriously. Would you vote for this man?

Liberal Party MEMBER Tony Abbott was at Queenscliff beach on Sunday when the media approached him to reveal if he was LEFT or RIGHT.

I think it's just wrong.

At an ocean racing event, most men wear dark-coloured budgie smugglers to reveal as little defintion as possible (except for that bloke at Coogee on Sunday wearing white sluggos - not a good look mate).

Generally, it's all tres discreet. The old fellas are packed tight and outa sight.

But Mr Abbott, a conservative pollie who once considered becoming a priest and is now at the fore(skin)front of the global warming sceptics, seems happy to flaunt his gonads to all and sundry.

And if you look closely at this pic, not too close as it might cause dizziness and nausea, you may notice that Mr Abbott appears to be holding in his tummy and puffing out his chest.

Here's a dare to anyone who's game. Put in a call to Mr Abbott's electoral office tomorrow and ask for I.C. Wiener and Mike Rotch.

The moral of this story is that pollies should keep their lollies in the bag and behind the counter.

This pic is from The Australian newspaper)