Thursday, 19 March 2009

How shellfish - the Buddhists stole my idea!

For years I've been carping on about a lot of things (refer to archived blog about writing aspirations over 20 year period).

One of these was a short-film concept, which I might as well share with you now because the bloody Buddhists have stolen my idea.

Some years ago I went to the cinema at Chatswood, which is/was located next to a Chinese restaurant. This restaurant had a huge fishtank in the window and it was filled, of course, with fish and other sealife including crabs and lobsters.

I was really upset by this because the creatures were removed from the tank and boiled to death. The humane way to kill crustaceans is to freeze them beforehand, which apparently puts them in a comatose state so they don't feel a thing when they're boiled.

The short film was to be about a young couple who see this tank and witness the death of a live crustacean in boiling water. They decide to set all the creatures free. So, they return to the restaurant (probably disguised as crustaceans - just added that new idea then) and hold it up. They then smash the tank (slow motion) and scoop crustaceans into boxes.

They flee in their small van, with the furious restaurant owners in hot pursuit (every film needs a car chase). After some shenanigans along the way, they make it to the coast and set the creatures free.

Short film ends. Credits roll. Not a dry eye in the house. I take home first prize at Tropfest, thanking family, friends, blog followers and crustaceans around the world.

But guess what? My concept's now on ice because of the Buddhists.

A recent story in The Daily Telegraph describes the Buddhist practice of buying back crabs from the fishmarket and taking them to a secret location (near the ocean, I guess!) to set them free. Apparently, this happens twice a year.

Well, I'm sorry Mr Dalai Lama, but this crabby story is my intellectual property! I deadset thought of it first and my intentions are more honorable than yours.

The only reason the Buddhists set the crabs free is because they reckon the creatures might be reincarnated as humans.

The morals of this story are that if you don't act on an idea, someone else will do it first and that nothing is original.

PS: I still plan to make this film before I die (I wonder if I can get the Buddhists on board), just as I plan to finish a romance novel

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