A tale about a sucked sock and the Pakistan floods

This is what I got for my birthday: a waterproof watch so I can accurately time my poor performance in the pool; a lasagne dish to use when the oven is fixed; a vacuum cleaner.

Here's the story:

Miss Hissy asks if she can help around the house. I assess the chaos through semi-closed eyes (the best way to view it) and grant her permission to use my new vacuum cleaner, as though I'm allowing her to perform a magical task when it's really just an induction into the modern working mother's weekend pastime.

I instruct her to clean the upstairs bedroom. But before she heads off, I give this warning: "Be careful, that thing has the power to suck up a small child."

Minutes later, as I begin to settle into another mundane job, I hear a shriek from above (and it's not the resident possum in the roof): "Mum! Come up here. NOW."

Panicked, I sprint up the stairs to find Miss Hissy in a crumpled heap next to my shiny red vacuum cleaner. I do the count - 10 fingers, 10 toes, a nose.

"What's the problem?"

"I sucked up a sock."

I look over to the single sock on the floor. Its partner is gone. Just in case you don't know, I live in a house of odd socks. And to me the dearth of matching socks is just another marker of my failure as a homemaker. Good homemakers don't lose socks.

"You sucked up a sock? How?" I barely hide my agitation.

Miss Hissy gulps. She is acutely aware of my matching-socks obsession. "I wanted to see what would happen, so I held the vacuum cleaner over the sock."

In a frenzy, I dismantle the cleaner to ensure the sock isn't stuck halfway up the blood-sucking tube thingy. It isn't. It's locked forever in the hermetically-sealed dust bag.

WHAT IS MY PROBLEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There are over 17 million people (eight million of them children) in Pakistan who have lost everything in the worst floods in history. They are starving and in desperate need of clean drinking water and lifesaving food.

I don't give a fock about the sock.

Miss Hissy and I do the mother-and-child embrace and I gently chide her. She can buy me a pair of socks or donate to the Pakistan Flood Appeal at UNICEF:

http://www.unicef.com.au/