Off to watch sailing in Tassie

We're off to the Apple Isle for a week to watch Miss Hissy sail, so I'll miss out on two Sydney ocean swims.

The first is this Sunday at Bondi. Apparently there's been a record number of entries, so I don't really mind that I won't be there. It could be a bun fight.

The week after is Avalon, which is a beautiful beach on the northern peninsula. I must admit I prefer the northern beaches to the eastern suburbs. Bondi might be iconic, but it's always crowded - heaps of Irish and English trying to get a sun tan (there's a laugh) - and too showy for mine (A-list celebrities hanging out at Icebergs).

When I return I plan to start another blog specifically dedicated to writing. It's too hard to juggle ocean swimming and romance writing in the one blog. Some people just aren't interested in ocean swimming and others don't care two hoots about my writing goals and all the other trivia concerning life in the 'burbs.

I'll be back on board after January 18. See you soon and take care.

Everyone's writing a novel, or thinking about it

"Everyone's writing a novel." (Barney talking to Fist, The Book Group)

I was out having a coffee with my partner Spanner this morning when I bumped into an old acquaintance. She joined us and we went through the motions.

"What have you been up to?"

"Same old same old. What about you?"

"Nothing much. You know, just stuff."

Mmm. What next? I decide to tell her I'm writing a ROMANCE novel.

"Oh, really?" She smiles, one eyebrow raised quizzically (I wish I could do that). "What's it about?"

"Well, it sort of revolves around the hero and heroine and how they get together in the end." I shuffle uncomfortably in my chair.

But then I am saved when she informs me that her good friend has just finished writing an 80,000-word novel.

"My friend says publishers won't take anyone seriously until they've written 80,000 words. How long is your book?"

"It's a romance novel, so it's 50,000 words. But I haven't quite finished."

She shifts the focus of the conversation with a new revelation. "I'm writing a book."

"Wow," I say, impressed. "What's it about?"

"I can't tell you. I haven't really started it yet. I just need to find the time."

"Oh, OK. Fair enough."

I look across the table at Spanner, the taciturn handyman who only reads books about boats and prefers films with subtitles. And I wonder if he is the only person left on the planet who has no desire to write a novel.

Clever man.

Anal plotters and lazy pantsers in romance writing

I've discovered that in the rarefied world of romance writing there are two types of writers -plotters and pantsers.

Plotters are the anal retentives, those writers who plan every detail of their book before they start writing. They create elaborate character charts, assemble collages (pretty pictures of imagined characters and their homes, families, houses, cars, holiday destinations, etc), and organise their plots chapter by meticulous chapter.

The pantsers are a disorganised lot who fly by the seat of their pants. Maybe they do a little bit of planning to establish their characters and give them personality traits, but generally the plot is a vague concept that takes shape as they write.

Sometimes I wish I didn't, but I fall into the latter category. I mean, who's got the time or energy for all that fiddly stuff (though I can imagine JK Rowling working in a huge ancient library on about five massive whiteboards, surrounded by stacks of reference books based on myths and legends).

Instead, I set out on a 'journey' (yuck, cliche but so appropriate) with my characters and keep them guessing about what's going to happen next. I know they hate it, and a lot of the time they're hanging around in my head telling me to just get on with it!

"Get out of the freakin' pool!" "Get your head out of the fridge!" "Write me some proper dialogue, not that pap!" "You can't expect me to do THAT to him?"

I can only take comfort from the fact that one of my favourite characters in the Channel 4 series set in Glasgow, Scotland, The Book Group, appears to be a pantser.

Scottish Kenny, who is in a wheelchair, is writing a novel. The following dialogue comes from a conversation he has with another book group member, Fist (she's Swedish). Kenny is attempting to describe his book's plotline to Fist.

Kenny (has a gorgeous Scottish brogue): This man's living in a cabin way up in the hills. He's trying to remember a story his father told him a long time ago.

Fist (gorgeous Swedish accent): Where is his father?

Kenny: Dead, years ago. Lung cancer. But before he died, he told his son about a place in the hills that no one knows about - a secret place.

Fist: What's in the secret place?

Kenny: I haven't gone that far yet. I'm working on developing my characters.

Fist: Wow.

It's so hard to write a bleeding romance novel - and a bouquet for The Book Group

In the final scene of the brilliant 12-part TV series, The Book Group, the main character Clare sits down at her computer to try to write her novel.

She is transported into the role of the heroine on horseback in the sand dunes in an Arabian desert, where she is joined by her hero, a sheik upon his steed.

Their dialogue, mostly in Arabic with subtitles, goes:

Hero: Where are you going?

Heroine: Who knows, hombre. Que sera sera.

Hero: What do I say here?

Heroine: I'm not sure. I think it should be something kind of romantic, leaving it open for us to get together later on.

Hero: Right.

Heroine: I'll think of something later.

Hero: Revision.

Heroine: Right.

Hero: Anything else?

Heroine: Peace.

Hero: Peace. God willing.

As someone who has been poised to write a novel for the past 25 years, I feel for Clare. I understand her pain. I know the blank page and the frustration when there is no inspiration (I once heard a playwrite/novelist/artist - fill the blank - say he felt sorry for all those intelligent people who wanted to work in the arts but just didn't have 'IT'. What he meant was not everyone has a book in them. Sometimes I think that's me).

However, thanks to my new romance writing bootcamp friends, over the past few months I have moved closer to my goal. I have written 37,000 words of my first romance novel and I can see a flickering light at the end of the tunnel.

DON'T BLOW IT OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now I've wasted half the morning - dropping daughter to work, shopping, getting petrol, unpacking shopping, stuffing face and writing this stupid time-wasting blog, I might have a moment to write... after I take the dog for a walk, oh, and do some housework.

A'Salaam Insha'lah.

The importance of strong character names in romance writing

Something was bothering me about my work in progress (wip) but I couldn't put my finger on it.

And then one day last week - in bed at around 3.30am when I was having one of my numerous post-mid-life crises - it came to me.

I hated my hero's name.

About two years ago when I started thinking about the book, the first thing I did was name my characters. I called my hero Robbie. I don't know what I was thinking at the time. Maybe Robbie Williams was in rehab and in the news a lot. Maybe I felt the name had a romantic lilt to it, as in Scotland's favourite son, poet Robbie Burns.

I thought Robbie oozed sex appeal.

Now I'm past the 30,000 word count, the novelty has worn off and the name reminds me of a puppy that whizzes on the carpet or a whiny kid with a runny nose and grazed knees

I can hear his mother in the supermarket, screaming: "Robbie! How many times have I told you not to open the chip packet until we get to the checkout!"

He's the teacher's pet, a Mummy's boy, a dobber and a fibber.

With apologies to all the men in the universe called Robbie, I have dumped you.

This leaves me in a dilemma. I need a new name... a new man.

I have several ideas, but none of them ideal.

If you've got any ideas better than my partner Spanner's suggestions - Stanley, Manuel and Shaun (think 'of the dead') - drop me a line.

romance & swimming are oceans apart

After trying to work out how to combine the two in one blog, I have concluded that ocean swimming and romance writing don't mix.

I mean, are ocean-swimming afficionados at all interested in the internal struggles of an aspiring romance writer?

And do those followers of all things romantic give a toss about a group of nutbags offering themselves up as sharkbait to the great ocean god for a couple of months each year?

I think not.

After many sleepless nights (possibly caused by my guzzling on the cooking wine) I have decided to maintain All at sea for ocean swimming and to create another blog dedicated solely to my other passion - writing.

I'll keep you* posted.

*Who am I kidding? My good friend Ms Smug recently threw this well-intended comment my way: "I don't understand how people can get a kick out of writing something that no one else reads." I wonder if she was talking about me or those zillions of lonely souls who float about in the blogosphere in general? Anyway, if you are reading this Ms Smug you'll have to eat your words!

Romance bootcamp

Yes, a bootcamp for aspiring romance writers does exist and I am committed to it this Saturday and the next.

For almost 20 years I have been threatening to write a romance novel.

I have chewed the ear off anyone who could be bothered listening to my half-baked romance plots that have amounted to nothing, zero, doughnut, a BIG FAT ZILCH!

I am the queen of ALL TALK NO ACTION. To prove it, I have three unfinished manuscripts and two completed short stories.

The short stories are rubbish - I thought they were literary masterpieces when I wrote them. But there's nothing as sobering and depressing as returning to a piece of writing a couple of months down the track. What was I thinking? Was I on bad drugs when I churned out that soppy load of cliched drivel?

The bootcamp is conducted online by several coordinators and guest 'lecturers'. I have already started 'chatting' to some members of the group whose enthusiasm is catching.

But can I match it? All shall be revealed soon.

Hey, don't forget that I have yet to post part 3 of my shark tales. It should be a good one. So, my six faithful followers, stick with me; I won't let you down.

What a combo - sharks and romance writing! I think I'm onto a winner!