I was having a lot of problems with that first kiss, especially the lips. I started out with: 'His lips found hers...' but was reminded of the TV commercial for a brand of beer where the tongue escapes from its sleeping owner's mouth and crawls/tongues its way to a nightclub to get a beer.
'Their lips met' is another tricky one. Where did they meet? A nightclub? A dinner party?
I get past the lips meeting dilemma and move onto where the hero 'fondles' the heroine's breasts. My partner Spanner arrives home and I ask him what it's like to touch up a nice firm breast.
I tell him: "Cast your mind back to when we first met."
He says: "I don't know what it feels like. Can't you just say he couldn't describe the feeling?"
God, men are useless.
Five minutes later, my first minor love scene is complete. Spanner insists I read it aloud.
After I stumble through it, highly embarrassed, he comments: "That's pretty light-on."
"What did you expect?" I say. "It's their first kiss and I can't have them having sex yet."
"I want porn," he says.
To be continued...